When I Am Old, I Will Paint

charles presti

When I was young,

I made a bargain with the future.

Nothing written down.

No signatures.

Just an understanding between boys and old men.

One day,

when I was old,

I would paint.

Not because I was good at it.

Not because anyone would buy it.

Just because there was something in me

that wanted to leave a mark

and I assumed there would always be time.

Years passed.

School.

Work.

Mortgages.

Doctor appointments.

Broken things.

Fixed things.

Birthdays arrived so quickly

they began stepping on one another's heels.

Every year I moved the promise forward.

Soon.

Soon.

Soon.

Then one morning

an old man looked back at me from the mirror.

Not an ancient man.

Not a wise man.

Just a man old enough to realize

that "someday"

had quietly become

"today."

There were no trumpets.

No ceremony.

No voice from the heavens

announcing it was time.

Only the sudden understanding

that if I was ever going to begin,

I had already waited long enough.

So I picked up a brush.

And found that what I wanted to paint

wasn't greatness.

It was life.

A dog waiting by a cupboard.

Grandchildren pulling Pop-Pop toward a candy store.

Friends who stayed.

Friends who didn't.

A glass of wine.

A pair of Crocs by the door.

The ordinary miracles

we mistake for ordinary days.

I paint them in fragments now.

Angles.

Shapes.

Polygons.

Because memory arrives that way.

A little lost.

A little altered.

A little softened around the edges.

But still carrying the weight

of the moment that made it.

And sometimes,

while standing before a canvas,

I think about that younger version of me—

the one who believed

old age lived somewhere far beyond the horizon.

I wish I could tell him

that he was right to make the promise.

I wish I could tell him

that time is not nearly as patient

as he imagined.

Mostly,

I wish I could tell him this:

Don't wait.

The extraordinary rarely announces itself.

It hides in dogs by cupboards,

in candy stores,

in friends standing shoulder to shoulder,

in a child suspended for a moment

before gravity remembers its job.

It hides in ordinary days.

And one day, if you're lucky,

you'll wake up old enough

to see how beautiful it was.

Then you'll spend the rest of your days

trying to hold it still—

with a brush,

before it disappears.